If you wanted to have children but found out that you couldn't, could you still live your life to the fullest and be great?
Many parents, particularly I have seen this with women, once they have a child or children, they put everything on hold, their plans, aspirations, and goals for the child.
Yes, granted, an infant will need their mother's full attention and care. But what tends to happen is that these parents put their whole life on hold forever. Even when the child is old enough, they stop working towards what they had always been dreaming of. They make the child to be the dream.
Bearing children is a natural process, it is unfortunate for those who cannot have children. But since those who stop their life dreams once they have children, does it mean those who do not have are the only ones who have a chance to fully focus on their goals and aspirations? No.
Your child should never be a substitute for your dreams.
Many use their children as an excuse for not reaching their life goals. 'I stopped going to school because I got pregnant", "I could not focus because now I had a child", "I had to stop studying to find a job so I can financially take care of my child" - so they say.
Even years after the children have been born and are now adults, you will find them making such excuses for why they could not proceed with what could've positively changed their lives.
This is the reason why some parents depend on their children to make their dreams a reality.
A parent will wait for his or her kid's whole life until they are old enough to make an income, and therefore expect the child to financially support them, and not just that but to make the parent's childhood dream a reality.
This is because the child was used as a substitute for the parent's dream. The plans, visions, and goals they had had to be substituted with the child. They abandoned the dreams they had, and now the child must pay back.
Having children should never be an excuse to not follow through on what you have set to achieve. Yes, it can delay you, but should not stop you.
Ultimately, you would be abandoning your purpose, and years later blame your child when your life never turns out to be what you had envisioned it to be. Or, if the child is fortunate enough to make something out of their lives, they will carry the burden of making your dreams a reality.
Either way, the results are not good.
You should never substitute your dream for your child. That is being disingenuous to yourself and doing injustice to the child.
Last but not least, the better solution to all this is to not make a baby when you are not in a good state such as young age, financially unwell (unemployed), or still pursuing your studies. These are the top three reasons why you will find yourself substituting your dream for a child.
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