Illustration by Katie Ferreol
People pleasing and kindness tend to be intertwined not intentionally so but simply because many do not know the difference between the two. And that results in people pleasing being mistaken for kindness.
This is fundamentally caused by the notion and belief that helping others is a superior virtue everyone should live by. However, the drawback is that many tend to go the extra mile just to be seen as kind when in fact they blindly fall into the people-pleasing abyss.
I have encountered some individuals who make it their life's mission as to how people view them, and being seen as kind or oftentimes seen as 'nice' is what they live for.
A single negative opinion from others would crush and ruin their whole day.
And the outcome of this mentality is that it leads one to people pleasing without even realizing it.
Here is the basic difference between the two:
People pleasing - Prioritizes the needs of others at the expense of your own. Generally stems from a place of need for acceptance.
Kindness - It requires giving equal consideration to the needs of others and your own. It stems from a genuine place of care and love.
If a person does things for others even when they don't want to, they do it because they 'have to help' is what people pleasers experience. They do it because they are afraid of saying no, they care more about the feelings of others than their own. They regret having agreed to do something but do it either way.
But intrinsically, they do this out of selfishness.
They do such out of selfishness because they purely want to be seen as the 'kindest' people around. Their selfish need to be viewed as the kindest, most helpful, and most altruistic is what makes them place their feelings and needs secondary to others'.
So, before you regard yourself as kind, introspect and determine whether you are really kind or you are just a people pleaser. Because the truth of the matter is that there are more people pleasures than kind people.
So, which one are you really?
Comments