Sharing is caring, so they say. And so we are taught and conditioned from an early age. As communal people who believe more in collectivism, being selfless is an encouraged virtue. And it works...until you realize that not everyone is as selfless as you may be.
Most of the time, the condition that we get indoctrinated to by not being selfish leads to people-pleasing. Pleasing people validates one and gives them some sense of worth and belonging. However since these do not come about organically, they are essentially bought. This is why many who see themselves as selfless are being people pleasers, and the result of that is gaining some form of false sense of validation.
This is the fundamental danger of selflessness that goes unchecked.
People use it as a character trait and therefore this clouds their natural personality as they buy people's validation and belonging by being overly giving to others. Which often gets taken advantage of.
As we grow, we realize that no matter how altruistic one can be, others will never reciprocate one's selfless efforts. Instead, they will take it and use it to their advantage. This is when one realizes how selflessness can negatively contribute to their relationships with others.
People who have experienced such, then get the feeling that they "have to" evolve into being selfish. And this is purely for their own peace and happiness.
Because one has been selfless their whole life, they form a shield from being taken advantage of; that shield is the opposite of what they've been their whole lives. That is to now become selfish. This is upon the realization that to survive in this life, one does not need to be overly selfless.
As they go into this transition, contrary to most people who will find it offensive to be labelled as selfish. For these individuals, being labelled or called selfish makes them feel better and happy.
Former people-pleasers enjoy being called selfish as that is a sign of improvement.
But those who benefited from the selflessness, kindness, and helpfulness of these individuals will always hate this newly formed person. Simply because they will no longer benefit and of course, the loss of that will never sit well with parasites who leech on the most kind.
Hence, statements such as 'you have changed' in a negative connotation will be used to describe you. But this is always what comes with changing oneself for the better.
The description of being labelled as selfish then brings joy and fulfilment as it is a sign of an improved version of yourself even when others will inevitably view this changed version of yourself in a negative light. But ultimately, who do you care about the most? Yourself or others?
In conclusion, it is not a bad thing to be selfish for the betterment of your life.
To all those who are too selfless and never receive the reciprocation of their actions, maybe it is time to start being selfish.
In addition, one question to ask yourself is, are you being selfless because that is your natural virtue or are you seeking validation from others so overly compensate by being overly nice to them?
If your honest and true answer is the latter, you need to start being selfish more, you will be happier and at peace with yourself.
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